I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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