She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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