She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
