This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
