how can u be prego again
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
