Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
