I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
