And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
