some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
