I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
