I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
