So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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