normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
