Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
