Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
