I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
