its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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