your room smells of hookers.
And success
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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