Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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