remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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