We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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