Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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