She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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