I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
