nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
