it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
