Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
