i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
