Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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