I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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