How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
