The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
