why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
