Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
