i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
