Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
