one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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