oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
