I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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