hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
