there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
