hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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