explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
