Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
