my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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