my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
