What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
