a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
