They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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