This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
