I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
