Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
