he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
