you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
