the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
