Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
