Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
