I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
