fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
