Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
