if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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