White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
