Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
