I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
