I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
