Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
