I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just googled if crying burns calories
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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