found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
babies were throwing up all over the place
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
