girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
