You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
