take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
