grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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