Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
