I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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