He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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