Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
