sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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